I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
You did what with his pubic hair?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
