I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
