This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
