i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
