I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
