My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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