It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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