he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
