I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
