Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
