I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
