Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
