i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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