I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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