I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
