I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
