I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
