I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
