oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
did i walk over a car last night?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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