Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
