you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
