So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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