Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
