I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
