so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
