I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
