True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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