The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
