...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
