he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
