That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
it's like iHOP with fire
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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