Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
