Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
