if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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