The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
