She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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