dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
