Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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