I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
