I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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