i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
