Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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