Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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