How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
