why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
