he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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