A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
