HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
