That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
