Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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